Flip-flops… Jeeeeesus, what’s the fucking point of them then eh?

“I know, lets create a style of foot wear, that doesn’t protect the front of your foot, doesn’t arch with your foot, makes you bend your toes to keep them on every time you move and makes you sound like the worlds worst percussionist!”

This isn’t just a rant on a personal level though thanks to the addition of this paragraph (and this paragraph alone!), cos after spending a lifetime aggravating ‘easy-going’ (hahahaha) people like me, you’re going to wake up one day to find that your Achilles tendons are in serious trouble, your arches have collapsed and your back doesn’t work properly any more!

I know that I am pretty much either preaching to the converted or ranting to people that think that 2 six inch spikes are a good thing to balance your weight on of an evening, but I’m seriously at a loss here… I cannot for the life of me understand the point of flip-flops anywhere but the beach.

“Where dirt meets water”…

I was in work the other day and was stuck in the corridor behind three women, all of whom were wearing flip flops… As a drummer, if there is ANY third party tapping going on It HAS to be in some kind of time or it begins to drive me very crazy very quickly… What I was treated to on this particular afternoon seemed remarkably similar to the sound that I can image 6 ADHD suffering kids would make when let loose in a drum show room whilst whizzing their tits off on speed!

Add to that the fascination that a lot of people have with bracelets jangling away on their wrists and you are left listening to the world’s worst one (wo)man band! Jingly jingly plap plap jangle plap!

I’m thinking that I’m going to glue a foghorn to one shoe and a small tourettes sufferer to the other… You want noisy shoes?! I’ve got your noisy fucking shoes right here! ‘HONK’ “BOLLOCKS” ‘HONK’ “PISS”!

I’ve just got to learn how to tap dance now, then all you motherfuckers are for it!

N.B. I have a feeling I’m now going to be spending a lot of time trying to escape from people maliciously ‘flipping’ and ‘flopping’ at me! As long as they’re not actually ‘flipping their flop’ at me though, I’m sure I’ll cope!